My Dailies 2006

DECEMBER

Sunday, December 31, 2006

Today I worked on my tax's some more, made a new title for my web site, went and got some drywall for my storage shed and started installing it, and I cooked up another big pot of food for the cats.

I also learned that my van has an exhaust leak. Not sure where the problem is yet. And it's like every time I turn around lately I'm having to work on my van.

Hi Mariah,.. today I had this thought: "my prayers have been answered",... as if it is really a thought of Yours. It was nice to hear at the time,... because I've been thinking a bit negatively about our situation all day.

Mariah,.. I've thought that if most of the things I've heard were true about what was going on with You in the past,... that maybe all you really needed to do was to talk to me in some way sincerely about what was really going on with you.

Saturday, December 30, 2006

Today I made some videos, found out my van's battery isn't holding a charge anymore, so I went and got a new battery and installed it. Cleared a wall area in my shed to make room for installing some drywall and got started with getting my tax's in order.

Today I learned something,... I learned that the problem with the videos that come from my new camcorder and not being able to transfer them to my web video software is because of the type of sound the camcorder produces. And that I can convert the camcorders sound to mp3 style with the software that came with it, which allows my web video software to work correctly.

So I didn't need to purchase that new video conversion software that I just purchased.

Friday, December 29, 2006

Well it's 2:30 in the afternoon here right now in California. Today has kind of been a kick back day too.

Today I worked on my web site, and worked on making my new calendars for next year, and made some videos and cooked breakfast for the cats.

Don't recall learning anything new today worth mentioning.

Thursday, December 28, 2006

This morning I sat here in front of my computer contemplating going to work,.. and decided to take the rest of the year off.

Today has been a kick back day. And I don't really remember learning anything new worth mentioning here.

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Today I just did some cleaning around the house. Cleaned my office, and my bedroom, vacuumed the floors, and I went out and bought a picture frame.

What I learned new today is that my new Camcorder's video files need to be converted to a different file format in order to transfer them to my Web video converter,.... so it's not going to be as convenient to use as my Sony Cybershot camera...

Hi Mariah,.. today's video number 2 was made for you,... and the 1st one is my first dailies video with my new camcorder,.. made for today's dailies. Hey,.. I got the impression that you may of had this thought: "don't want me". Seemed like it had to do with me looking at your love picture that I now have above my computer screen. And it's the picture that you will see in today's video 2. If you had that thought about me,... "I like that",... because it's like you know me well.

No worries,... I've been not wanting for that type of stuff for 20 years now,.. and I'm good at it.

That statement "don't want me",... reminds me of a song of yours,... I think it's called "I didn't mean to turn you on". I'm the type of guy that you could turn on and you wouldn't have to worry about it being some kind of problem whether we were just friends or in a relationship together.

I listened to that song today,.. but I don't recall what the words were like,.. let's see here,... I can look them up right now.... I see what they are saying now (looks like you didn't write that one)... Personally I think that it would be OK for us to start out by being friends also.

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Let's see here,... today I did a whole bunch of little things,... I made video number 3 for today,.. and I installed new head lights on my Toyota truck,.. and I installed a new Air Filter assembly on my work van... I cleaned out my bedroom a little bit... I'm still doing some laundry,...

and I purchased a new camcorder for Christmas. My parents gave me money for Christmas,.. so I used it for a new camcorder. And then I returned the camcorder because it wasn't as convenient to use as my Sony Cybershot is,... and got a different camcorder,... and in time I found out that the new camcorder was even more inconvenient to use than the first one I got,..

So now I've been back to the camera shop and got the first camcorder that I purchased again. I've never had a camcorder before,... so I'm in the process of learning about them now. The one thing I didn't like about the one I have now is,.. I've gotta unscrew the tripod connector from it every time I go to transfer video to my computer,... which I don't have to do with my Sony Cybershot.

So I'm going to try just setting it on my desk instead of connecting it to a tripod and see how that works.

Hello Mariah,.. I'm the eyes for only You type of guy,.. I'm going to say something to ya here and let you figure out what I'm talking about,... "This picture of You looks like my dream girl too,... and I think she has the very finest bottom in the whole world."

By the way,.. I signed up as a member of your MariahCarey.com - HoneyBfly web site yesterday. (I've gotten the impression that you already know that though). That was a cool looking dress you were wearing at the NBA all star game,.. Wizards 23. And I saw ya as a little girl in your photos,... and as a baby. Hey,.. you've even got a chat room on your site,... hmmm. I watched all your videos and looked at your whole site. Saw a picture of you and JZ where your wearing a yellow dress,... I like that picture of you.

And I saw you and your dog Jack in a video,.. he was in a basket or something and he seemed to look different than the last time I saw him,... it may of just been the look on his face,... I don't know,.. it's also been around 5 or 6 years since I've seen him. And I also saw you holding a kitty cat when you were a little girl.

Monday, December 25, 2006

Good Morning Mariah,... (Mariah Carey),... It's 3:00 am on Christmas morning here in California right now,.. and I'm up this early so that I can have some videos put in here for You,... so that you can have them in the morning when you wake up.

I don't know if you'll be bothering to look in the morning,.. but that's OK, this is the way that I prefer to do it.

Mariah,.. all of today's videos are for You,.... Merry Christmas to You,... and Happy Holidays too.

Well it's Christmas morning here now,.. about 10:30 am,.... and I've just finished replying to a couple Christmas emails,.. had a couple Christmas drinks,.. listened to some Mariah Carey songs,.. printed out some pictures,.. and my brother is here now,.. so I'm going to be going over to my parents house here in a little bit and give out gifts.

And I think my day will be about done after that,... Oh,.. and I cooked breakfast for the cats and dogs here at my house too.

Sunday, December 24, 2006

Well it's already Christmas Eve. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to anybody that's reading this stuff I guess.

Today I've made some videos for my web site, did some more laundry and did a little shopping.

I'm going to go out to dinner over at Pomodoro Cucina Italiana tonight for a change. I haven't eaten a meal in seems like 3 weeks now,.. so I'm going to go ahead and have a Christmas Eve dinner.

Happy Christmas Eve to you Mariah. Hey,.. my dream girl picture of you here on my desk,... (the cover of your Number 1's CD),... "that's such a cool looking pose".

Saturday, December 23, 2006

It's about 4:00 pm here right now as I'm writing this. Today I got all my Christmas presents all finished and wrapped. And I've got 2 loads of laundry that I'm still in the process of finishing, and I've made a bunch of videos for my web site here too.

Today I thought I'd talk about my thoughts and dreams about me becoming a musician. Back in my first 24 years of life I use to have dreams and thoughts about being a singer. I use to dream about doing stage like performances along with acting out what I'm singing about. Now days I think if I was ever able to do such a thing,... that I like just being a Party band,.. and I still may have some performances like I've dreamed about in me too,...

especially so,.. if I'm ever problem free.

Hi Mariah.

Friday, December 22, 2006

Today I made 3 music videos.

"Had to remove these videos. New server doesn't allow any room for videos."

video 1. (Me singing "Stray Cat Strut" acapela).

video 2. (Me singing Stray Cats, "Stray Cat Strut").

video 3. (Me singing BB King-U2, "When love comes to town").


Today I went and turned in a bill for a job,.. and pretty much decided to take the rest of the day off. It's 2:00 pm here right now and I've already got some music videos made for today, so I thought I might as well get today's dailies loaded into my website here.

I've gotta do cat cooking today,.. (cook up another big pot of food for them). And maybe I'll do some laundry too.

Hi to my one and only perfect for each other.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Today I made 3 music videos. But through updating my site I've decided to only leave one of them in here.

"Had to remove these videos. New server doesn't allow any room for videos."

video - (Me singing Billy Squier, "Learn how to live").


Today I stayed home and made up an Invoice for a job, cleaned up some tools, and did some shopping.

I did learn something new today that brought a little happiness to me but I can't say what it is right yet.

Hello Mariah.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Today I made 1 music video. I don't think I caught myself looking my best, but it sounded like I was singing it well as I was singing it. This is a one take video.

"Had to remove these videos. New server doesn't allow any room for videos."

video 1 - (Me singing an Extreme song, "more than words" karaoke style).


Today was just another work day. And it's laundry day too.

Hello Mariah,.. I've gotten the impression that your favorite song out of the ones I've sang is "More than Words".

I like that song too... Great sounding song,.. and cool words too. But I've been thinking,... that Me and You are not the type that would ever need to be saying the words to this song to each other if we were in a relationship.

Hey,.. today I got the impression that You don't like the pictures of other girls in my office.

If so,.. I like that,... because it sounds like you are like me there.

My one and only perfect for each other,... the moment I see something real from You towards "us",.... all other girls will be gone from here.

For any adults reading this stuff,.. if your interested in a password that will take you directly to My Dirty Dailies instead of going around about to get there,.. I'm putting a password for it in My Dirty Dailies tonight in video form. Click here to get to the password prompt to get to My Dirty Dailies. When in My Biography go to the bottom of the page and click "index", click "My Dirty Dailies" then see video for December 20th.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Today was a long work day. 12 hours including driving.

Around 4:00pm while I was at work, my brain comes out with: "don't work too late hun". And I thought,... "woah,.. I really like the sound of that,...

that sounded like Love".

Hello Mariah,... today while I was driving home from work I got the impression that You don't really care for the way I keep calling You "my ex-perfect for each other".

Hmmmm,.... OK.. And if you would like to follow me over to My Dirty Dailies,.. I'm going to talk dirty to ya a little bit. Click here to get to the password prompt to get to My Dirty Dailies. When in My Biography go to the bottom of the page and click "index", click "My Dirty Dailies" then see video for December 19th. I made a last minute decision to go ahead and put this video in here. After viewing the video myself it didn't look worth the time,.. but I went ahead and put it in for You anyway.

Monday, December 18, 2006

Today I made 1 music video.

"Had to remove these videos. New server doesn't allow any room for videos."

video 1 - (Me singing a Motley Crue song called "Home sweet home").


Today was just a normal work day. And today I had this thought that went like this: "so do you know any Motley Crue?". And I do have a favorite Motley Crue song, so I decided to give it a try singing it. I had to go buy one of their CD's first though. Didn't have any of their music here at my house.

So, I don't remember learning anything new today except for some of the words to a Motley Crue song. And I've gotta go cook dinner for the cats, and I think I might go do a little Christmas shopping maybe.

Sunday, December 17, 2006

To my ex-perfect for each other: I decided to start my Dailies here a little early today and although you may not see it until tonight or some other day,.. "good morning Mariah".

Last night when I was in bed on my way to going to sleep,... "I was thrown a bone". But don't let that term degrade it in any way. I'm saying it that way for 2 reasons... The first reason is because I've heard You say that before,.. (throw me a bone),.. the second reason is because "what I heard last night in my mind" came across like it was tossed into my mind in between a couple of my thoughts that I was having.

The thought that came to me as if it was tossed into my mind is: "I'm the luckiest girl in the World".

If that came from You Mariah,.. (and I'm getting the impression that it very well could of)... and if so,.. If You are saying any of that because "You actually like Me" too,... then I'll take it as a compliment and say: "thank You very very much for that".

I'm going to go ahead and treat it like it is your thought here to make it easier to write about for the next things that I'm about to say,... "You can think that way if you like Mariah,... but I don't think that it has to do with "luck"".

I think that it is because of the type of person that You are, and the type of person that I am. And how well we match up. Being each others type in all the important ways. And I think that how well we think of each other "looks wise" can have something to do with it too.

And speaking for myself here Mariah,.. to Me,.. "You can look like the most beautiful girl in the World",... just like I said before.

About my looks,.. from what I see and think of them,.. I think that I can look good sometimes,.. and not good other times,.. but what is most important,.. I think,... for a girl to match up with me,.. "is that she can see herself being with Me as a couple",.. and "ideal" is: "she likes my looks just as much as I like hers".

By the way,... there is a new page in My Thoughts for the Day that animal lovers like yourself may like. I just put them in there last night,... Page 38.

Well,.. it's about 6:00pm here now in California,.. and I worked on the motor of my work van today. Gave it an oil change and new spark plugs and a new fuel pump.

And what I'm thinking about now is,... it hasn't been a lucky like life to be me. I'm talking about the type of life I have there. And I'm more of a guy that would be lucky to ever have another girl friend in his life. But what I do think about actually ending up with a "dream girl, mutual love of my life type that is my type in all the important ways and I'm her type in all the important ways" is: "it's something to be very thankful for".

I haven't had many girl friends in my life,.. and I've never had one that I thought matched up with me ideally. And due to all the thoughts I've had on the subject of mutual ideal love along with my experiences with girls,... I've thought that it is like the only way to go,... "Finding someone that matches up with me in all the important ways and I match up with her in all the important ways too".

I see that you have a web site Mariah,... and I'm in your store right now. I like the picture of you on the cover of Charmbracelet,.. I've never seen that one before,.. and I like the picture of you on The Remixes too,.. I've never seen that one before either,.. and I like the picture of you on the cover of Glitter too,.. I've seen it before,.. but never commented about it...

I can't see your picture on The Emancipation of Mimi very well,.. but I've seen it in the stores before,.. and what I've thought about it is,.. "your pose reminds me of a pose that I did in a picture of myself"...

Looks like your going to have a new web site pretty soon. Those white butterflies around you look pretty cool. Hey,.. I like the picture of you on your home page too where your wearing white with gold shoes.

Looks like a cool web site Mariah. And I don't know,.. but when I see you anymore,... I just can't help but think,.. "that it will really surprise me if anything ever becomes of us",.. you don't look like a girl that thinks anything of me at all to me. I just had a funny to me thought,... "maybe I spoke to soon about that "I'm the luckiest girl in the World" quote,.. because maybe it has nothing to do with me. Like your the luckiest girl in the World because of something else.

"All I want for Christmas is You" is the best selling rightone ever their saying... That's my very favorite Christmas song of Yours.

I'm sitting here looking at my calendar now,... man,.. it's getting really close to Christmas,... and I'm not even finished shopping for gifts yet. I didn't realize that it was so close until just now. And I haven't even wrapped anything yet either.

Saturday, December 16, 2006

Today there is one music video.

"Had to remove these videos. New server doesn't allow any room for videos."

video - (Me singing a Spandau Ballet song called "True").


Today I'm just piddling around when I should be working on the motor of my work van,... but it's a bit cold out,.. and it looks like it may rain,.. and I still need to get some parts for it too.

I've already been Christmas shopping this morning,.. and I've made a couple videos... I'm not super happy with them,.. but I think they'll do.

To my ex-perfect for each other: I was remembering how the Butterflies swarmed around you one day on camera this morning,.... and how you looked when one landed on your hand,... and how it seemed like it was seen as a pretty big deal,.. because afterwards I saw other girls with stickers of lots of butterflies all over them.

If you watch video 2 from today first,... and then read this part, it will probably make more sense to ya. "I think I'll just stick with my old dream girl picture of you that I have here until I see something that looks like it could be meant for Me". (I'm talking about for the purposes of having a new picture of you).

Mariah,... I heard you say once that "you love animals". I've never had that exact thought about animals,.. but there has been times in my life when I've thought higher of animals than I did of humans.

Friday, December 15, 2006

Today I made 2 music videos.

"Had to remove these videos. New server doesn't allow any room for videos."

video 1 - (Me singing a India Arie song called "Back to the middle" acapela).

video 2 - (Me singing a India Arie song called "Back to the middle").


The reason Pamela Anderson doesn't look like my type is: "her eyes".

So,.. today at work,... I was thinking about whether or not I think it's OK for my girl friend or wife,... (if I had either),... to pose nude for nude magazines.

And I think "Yes",... it's OK... I think that the human bodies can look great even with no cloth's on.

Now,.. when I think about having one of those girl friends that makes you wonder about her,... (like as if her reasons for doing a nude pictorial may make a guy wonder),.. I think it's still OK. So she eventually ends up with some other guy because of it,... it's OK,.. she wasn't ideal for me anyway.

I've thought about whether or not I would pose nude for magazines,.. and I have to have a reason in order to do it myself. I've thought that I would pose in my underwear if I was doing like an advertisement for them or something.

Back when I showed myself naked in front of my TV camera it was like I had a reason to do so. I wouldn't of ever done that if I didn't have someone guiding me to do so. I was totally against going out there and showing myself in an erect way,... I said to myself after the first time,... "I'm not going out there with an erection though",... "I'm just not going to do that",.. but when the day came to do so,.. it was like I had an OK to do it as if I should. Maybe it was to show everybody that my private parts are not what my problem is. Because I've had 2 friends and an Uncle that has wondered about that too. A roommate and my uncle chose to act like they forgot to flush the toilet,... and barged in and flushed the toilet to get a good look at me while I was pissing. Another friend just stood waiting to look at me as I was pissing on a wall,.. so I turned and faced him to zip up my pants and that is exactly what he did,... "took a good look"...

Anyway,.. so because of showing myself in those ways,.. I think that I don't have those reasons to be showing myself naked anymore.

I thought about whether or not I would do it for a bunch of money,... and I thought,... yes,.. maybe so,... but,... if I had a girl friend that I really liked or wife that was against me doing it,... I wouldn't do it.

To my ex-perfect for each other: Hello Mariah. Last night when I went to bed I was singing the song that I sang for tonight's videos and when I paused for a second,... a different song started playing in my mind in an out of the blue way. The song was: Shania Twain,... "your still the one".

I get that all the time,... songs just start playing in my mind out of the blue like that as if they were placed there by someone... And most of the time,... the words to the songs that I'm hearing relate to something I've been thinking about.

Strong worded song,.. Shania Twain's "your still the one",... as I'm sitting here looking at the words to it... The verse that started playing in my mind last night was,... the chorus,... and the line that I remember hearing mostly was,... "your still the one".

Also,.. today when I went to sing a song for video,... I started to sing it while facing my computer screen,... but I got a big impression that YOU would rather I faced the camera.

It gave me a good feeling and something to half ass smile about as I turned and faced the camera instead.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Today was just another work day, and I don't remember learning anything new today.

To my ex-perfect for each other: "What's mine looks Perfect to me". And in my mind I'm getting the impression that I really do still have a special girl friend out there after all these years.

When I went to bed last night,.. I had,.. "not visions of love",... but,... "visions of You" from the past.

What you looked like when you were in Hawaii a long time ago,.. I remember how you looked at that cake with the picture of you on it, you in a bathing suit on the beach, you saying: "do you guys always have to be thinking about sex?",.. and I don't remember his name,..but,.. how he paused and thought about it for a second,.. and replied with "yes". I laughed just like you did when he said it. It was just like "we laughed together" about that one.

Also what you looked like at your home during that Thanksgiving TV cooking show when you were playing with your dog and the water bottle. And on MTV when you were eating the Pringles potato chips and saying "I'm hungry". And when you were in some Mall eating french fries. And I also pictured you eating ice cream and singing during your High School show that you did.

One of the last times I saw you was on some Barbara Walters special where you were showing your newly remodeled closet and your Cats room.

You can definitely look like someone that I could Love Mariah... And I'm not just talking about your great looks there.... I'm also talking about your voice and the way you speak and the way you seem to be personality wise.

You know,... if I was to come out and do some work for You,... I would be thinking that I should do it for You for free. Because,... to put it one way: "were special".

And I mean that no matter what the circumstances are between us too.

These days I wouldn't be able to afford that for very long though,.. and I would have to mix some paying work in along with Yours. But,.. that is the way I think I should be treating You.

(That's Yours),... as if "my dream girl is mine"... I was thinking about what I could say about that other than "WOW" today. And I thought,... I could treat it like a gift and say: "I love it",.... "thank You",....

I don't need no more presents or gifts in my life anymore,....

I've got everything now.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Today was just another work day. And it's also cat cooking day,... I cook a big pot of rices and hamburger helper noodles to feed the cats about once a week,... and they actually eat it like they like it too,... my uncle has always fed the dogs,.. so I don't have to feed them unless it's just giving them treats or something of that sort,... and it's also laundry day.

To my ex-perfect for each other: today when I got home from work I was sitting here looking at your picture on my desk thinking from Wow to negatively and my brain goes: "that's yours". I thought "WOW" because of the looks of ya along with that thought.

Then I've always gotta come back to reality and go with what it's like in the real world. But,.. I got the impression that that thought was put there for you. And I've heard those type thoughts in the past before too but never really thought that they were yours "for sure".

So what I'm getting at here is,... if your the type that thinks that way,... "I really like your style of thinking".

In thinking about whether or not I could see myself saying something like that about me to a girl,... I don't know if I'd ever be in a circumstance where some girl was looking at my picture to where I would say,.. "that's yours",.. but I do see myself saying things like,.. "I'm yours",... or "I'm all yours" or "I belong to you". All things that I have never said to any girl in my past though.

There was a time when I thought one of those thoughts about You though. And I don't remember exactly when it was,... but it was after I thought I heard it from you,.. and it happened sometime after you came into my life because I never had those thoughts ever before in my life before that.

Also, since it's on my mind,.... the song: "put your head on my shoulder". I like that song and the way it sounds, but there are words in that song that just are not my style.

For instance: "show me that you love me",... telling a girl to show me that she loves me is not my style at all,... I'd rather she did it for all her own reasons.

Another one is: "wont you kiss me once",... that sounds like a desperate like want thing,... and it has never been like me to be that way.

Another one is,... well it looks like the rest of them are all of the same type as above,... but here they are,.. "words I want to hear",... "tell me tell me that you love me too",... "words I want to hear". Not my style to be thinking like that or saying things like that.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Today there is one music video.

"Had to remove these videos. New server doesn't allow any room for videos."

video - (Me singing a Dishwalla song called "Charlie Brown's Parents").


Today was just another work day.

So, if any body has seen a cat in a couple of my videos (gray with tiger like stripes),... that's "Ronnie". He's been my friend ever since he was a little kid (kitten).

Ronnie is the friendliest to me of all the cats that are at my house. I think there are over 10 cats and kittens here now. They are mostly wild cats, but some of them become friends with me.

Ronnie is Jax's son. Jax is a all black female and is my oldest cat friend here at my house.

Funny,.. Jax didn't want to have any thing to do with me when she was younger, but her brother was my buddy that use to lye by my side while I watched TV. As Jax got older she decided to start liking me, but her brother moved a couple houses down the street and don't want to have any thing to do with me any more. He acts like we don't even know each other any more.

Ronnie is a good boy,... he's mellow and easy going. And he knows not to step on my computer keyboard and will avoid it most all the time.

I've been thinking to put pictures of the cats on a page in My Thoughts for the Day here eventually,.... just haven't made the time for it yet.

To My ex-perfect for each other: There was a day in the past when I told you that I would see your "Glitter" movie. But after you blew me off I lost all interest and have been thinking all this time that "I never said when I would see it though". In thinking about seeing it now,... today,.. it's like this: I remember seeing trailers for the movie and it looked like just another place where your hanging on and kissing other guys,... and that doesn't sound like something that I'm interested in seeing.

I did see your orange double zero shirt in a movie trailer though,.. so maybe I saw the most important part to see already,.. I don't know. But I've also thought that if we were ever together that I wouldn't mind watching it with you.

By the way,... I think that is the only time I ever saw you wearing orange. I saw Snoop Dog wearing a light blue and orange shirt in one of your videos,... but you didn't bother wearing orange,... just a light blue shirt with white shorts as you were walking past a black couch if I'm not mistaken.

Monday, December 11, 2006

Tonight I decided to give myself the night off from video. I don't really have much to say anyway. And nothing new to sing yet either.

Today I learned what Pamela Anderson looks like naked for the first time. She is in the new PlayBoy Magazine.

I saw Pamela Anderson on the Donnie and Marie show quite a while back after I mentioned that I don't think she is my type. But after seeing her there I thought that she does come across as my type in one way though. It was her sweetness that she showed.

Today I noticed again just what it is about her that makes her look like not my type though. I don't remember if I ever said what it was in my original couch writing.

So I thought if anybody reading this stuff would like to take a guess at what it is that makes Pamela Anderson not look like my type,.... feel free to take a guess and I'll give the answer on this Friday.

Today was just another work day.

Well,... I've made a last minute decision and decided to sing a song and put it in here. I use to sing this song after hearing Potsy sing it on the show "Happy Days".

"Had to remove these videos. New server doesn't allow any room for videos."

video 1 - (Me singing a song called "put your head on my shoulder" acapela).

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Today I decided to dress up like a girl and sing a couple songs.

"Had to remove these videos. New server doesn't allow any room for videos."

video 1 - (Me singing a Britney Spears song called "Baby one more time" 2).

video 2 - (Me singing a Tammy Wynette song called "stand by your man" 2).

Today I did a little shopping, got some billing invioces all made out, and went ahead and dressed up like a girl to make some videos.

I could of got the sound better in my videos, but I didn't feel like putting a whole bunch more time into it,.. and I thought the ones I'm going to use aren't that bad anyway.

Well, I don't remember learning anything new today. I still have to fix dinner for the cats and then my day will be about finished.

Today I was thinking about how it feels like I have already met a lot of you people from my original couch writing including you "my ex-perfect for each other". Although they were odd like circumstances of meeting,.. it still feels like for me that I have already had a first meeting with a lot of you.

Saturday, December 9, 2006

Today I made 2 more attempts at singing along with songs.

"Had to remove these videos. New server doesn't allow any room for videos."

video 1 - (Me singing a Alice in Chains song called "man in the box").

video 2 - (Me singing a Alice in Chains song called "Heaven beside you").


I was going to dress up like a girl tonight and sing some songs,... but I'm not really up for it tonight.

Today seemed like a day where I just sat around and did nothing,... but actually, I did all kinds of stuff today.

I went to a friends house and picked up something, I did my laundry and cooked a big pot of food for the cats, fed the cats, went out shopping twice, made a couple music videos and had a bowl of soup and some Christmas drinks.

And now I'm sitting here updating My Dailies in my website.

I don't know that I learned anything new today, and I think my day is just about done.

Friday, December 8, 2006

I made 2 screaming attempts at music today. I know that I may be able to do better than that someday though. (If I ever have my voice back the way it use to be).

"Had to remove these videos. New server doesn't allow any room for videos."

video - (Me singing a Nazareth song called "Love hurts").


Today was just another work day. I've kind of took the weekend off though,.. so that's good,.. sounds good to me anyway.

Here is one of the things that was on my mind today at work: Today when I heard the word "mistletoe" on the radio it reminded me of how I have never been kissed under the mistletoe. And that memory reminded me of how I have never had a New Years eve kiss either.

Let's see here,... for me to of been able to put mistletoe over a girls head it would of been like "a want for a kiss", so that is why I never really thought of being the instigator for that,... and no girls bothered doing it with me either.

At New Years eve parties I remember it was always like I was different than everybody else,... because at the stroke of Midnight everybody would cheer and be in a celebrating mood,... and I never got like that. It never seemed like something to be cheering about for me.

As far as getting kissed on New Years eve goes or kissing the girls on New Years eve,.. I was never the smiling, happy like guy that could run around the room kissing all the girls,... and no girls bothered with me either.

The last New Years eve party that I was at, I was kind of with the promiscuous girl. That night I heard her back in the bedroom where they were making some cassette tape to send to guy that was out of town,... and she was saying over and over again: "I love you Tony,.... I love you Tony,.... I love you Tony,... etc.". And neither one of us bothered to kiss each other for New Years eve that night. I don't remember kissing her at all that night.

I know that I was getting "bad vibes" about her though as she was saying how much she loves Tony.

To My ex-perfect for each other: I know that you may of made a reference to me in the beginning of your Heartbreaker video,.... and if so,... "thank you very much for that",... and yes,.. I would like that...

I think I'll also say though that: "that,.. in combination with real love sounds even better". And even better than that is: "along with knowing each other very well". (Being super comfortable with each other and knowing each others likes).

So, when I said that I noticed a difference in you when you were doing your Heartbreaker video,.. I was talking about your attitude during the making of the video that was filmed. Just looked like something has changed is all. And not in a good way.

About your Heartbreaker video,... I think you did a good job with that one,.. and I really liked the whole video too. I like that style of video. And have thought of making one myself in a similar style. And due to thinking about my own video, I know that you must have put a lot of time into thinking about the making of that video too. And again,.. I think you did a really good job with that one. Also I've later thought that I shouldn't of even mentioned that stuff about JZ's wording in your song,.. but it's too late now.

My real problem with that was: "you weren't looking like my kind of girl because of that. JZ can say whatever he likes as far as I'm concerned.

Thursday, December 7, 2006

I made 1 music video for today. Because it has one bad word in it, I decided to put it into My Dirty Dailies. Inorder to get to My Dirty Dailies: go to: Page 10, My Biography, type in the password at the password prompt, once in My Biography, click Index at the bottom of any page, there is a link on the My Biography Index page for My Dirty Dailies.

Or you can click the link below to take you directly to the password prompt for My Biography.

Click here to get to the password prompt to get to My Dirty Dailies.


Today was just a busy work day. Again, when I got home I started making videos, and it was like,.. man,.. there just isn't enough time in the day to work and do this too sometimes.

Wednesday, December 6, 2006

I made 3 music videos for today, but only two of them are going to make it in here.

"Had to remove these videos. New server doesn't allow any room for videos."

video 1 - (Me singing a song called "Jingle Bell Rock" acapela").

video 2 - (Me singing a Scorpions song called "make it real").


The other video that I made was: "you can call it my version of Bad Santa (but "no",... I'm really Good Santa"). I filmed it in my underwear Christmas suit, but my stomach has just gotten too big for me to be showing that way. The video just cant look good to me because of that. "I" cant look good because of that.

I noticed that I was getting a bit of a stomach some months ago and switched from eating 1 meal per day to only 3 meals per week. It don't look like it's working though. So I'm thinking that I'm going to have to try 1 meal per week and see what that doe's.

To my ex-perfect for each other: Speaking of how it can be like I have an angel on one side and a devil on thee other. Just a few days ago I was thinking how I would respect your wishes if I went to Mexico due to thoughts in my mind about you.

But today I've been thinking that "No,.. I don't have to do that, because this stuff in my mind can come across like it's just a bunch of bullshit due to what it looks like and has happened out in the real world." And a girl that really cares should come out and say it for real. "Should make it known for real somehow".

So,.. last night I learned that my copy of Windows XP on my desktop computer here may not be genuine. Me and a friend purchased this copy from a vendor at the California Pomona Fair Grounds Computer show. And the CD itself looks to be a real version of Windows XP to me. What I think is that it is a Volume license copy of Windows XP that wasn't supposed to be sold or transfered.

We payed good money for it,... and now Microsoft is telling me that I need to purchase a new copy of Windows XP. I don't think we did any thing wrong. Looks like we just purchased a real copy of Windows XP to me,... but I think I'm going to have to pay them anyway.

And now I finally see what some people are crying about with the Windows Genuine Advantage thing.

Tuesday, December 5, 2006

Today I decided to put a video in here that I made when I was in Hawaii. Sorry,.. it was windy, so the sound quality isn't real good.

Today was just another work day now that I'm home. That's what life is for me anymore,... just a bunch of work,.. even when I'm making some of these videos,... even they seem like work sometimes too.

Today I learned why my van was acting like it was only running on 7 cylinders. It's because it really was only running on 7 cylinders.... One of the spark plug cables fell off.

To my ex-perfect for each other,... I was thinking about how in my mind you don't like me going to Mexico to the topless or nude bars. But the last time I saw you out in the real world, you were hanging all over some guy.

Looked like it was a pretty new video and the guy had real short hair, was tall and I think he was wearing black.

And what I thought was: "looks like she's busy with her own guys to me".

That's one thing about you,.. you've looked like a girl that's busy with her own life most of the time,.. and like a girl that could care less about me.

Only in the beginning,.. when I first started writing to you,.. for a short while you looked interested,... but it all looked like it changed one day.... I noticed a difference when you were doing your Heartbreaker Video. And then it wasn't long after that where you blew it all off like I wasn't even there.

One thing that I've thought about me going to Mexico or anywhere for that reason is,... "it could be the only time I ever have any closeness with a girl again".

That's the kind of life I have. Not that I'm looking to have some closeness from any girls,... "just thoughts that I've had is all". I'm the guy that don't get any girls anymore,... none what so ever,... and it's been like that for 20 years now.

I'm not looking for any sympathy here,.. and I'm not even thinking about going to Mexico,... I'm just letting out some thoughts is all.

So,... about that video,... (ex-perfect for each other),... that's the kind of stuff where I thought: "I don't know that that is my kind of girl".... (allways hanging onto other guys like that).

Oh well,.. it's good that your able to though,... it's good that anybody is.

I've thought that: I'm just not like you there is all,... I mean,.. even back 20 years ago when I was able,.. I was still like a guy that was lucky to be hanging onto one girl,... and the type that didn't care to hang onto any other girls if I was with one girl.

In my mind "were special",.. and I got the impression that that was a real thought of yours too. But out in real world,... I don't know what or how you are at all.

Monday, December 4, 2006

Today when I got home from work I started playing around with the music stuff and it was like,... I really don't have time for all this, and one moment I liked the way I was sounding but then the next moment it's like I lost my tone,... so I'm not going to bother with any videos tonight.

To my ex-perfect for each other: Today I had a thought as if you could of thought: "I never thought of my kind of guy to dress that way" about the way I dressed to sing a Cher song in one of my videos.

Yeah,... I've never really been one to dress that way in public. I remember back when I was 23 years old,... me and the promiscuous girl dancing around the living room in our underwear and I was singing along with Joe Jackson songs to her. That night she goe's: "you should be an actor" to me, about me.

First time I ever heard that in my life,... but I was able to be much more of a person during that time of my life too.

Anyway,.. so I could see maybe dressing that way for some movie roll, if it seemed like it was right for the story. But I don't see myself dressing that way to perform live.

I can see myself dressing that way in the privacy of a home with some girl and performing for her though.

And,... I like my home made underwears,... I even like them as a bathing suit. Though I don't see myself using them that way unless everybody else is doing it too. Or in a more private setting with a girl or alone.

Well,... I've gotta finish cooking dinner for the cats,.. and then I think my day is about finished.

Sunday, December 3, 2006

Today there are 2 music videos that I made. But through updating my web site, I've decided to only leave one of them in here.

"Had to remove these videos. New server doesn't allow any room for videos."

video - (Me singing a Prince song called "when doves cry").

I wasn't going to bother making any videos today,... but I started singing along to one of my favorite songs,.. and it sounded like I was sounding pretty good,... so I went ahead and recorded it.

To my ex-perfect for each other: so I've put your No.1's cover picture on my desk here right in front of me. And I added a little note to it that says "were special",.. to remind me of why it is sitting on my desk.

Other than that,... the only thing I really see when I look at your picture is "a great picture of you". I mean,... it's hard for me to think much more than that due to what happened between you and me out in the real world.

GREAT PICTURE though,.... "HOT".

While I was at Best Buy today I saw a Luis Muigel Christmas CD there and thought,... "he's a good looking guy",... and "I can see you and him matching up lookswise",... and "maybe she did really blow me off for someone else".

Well today I did a little shopping and got some Christmas music CD's,... and I also installed a new speedometer cable on my van and cleaned the carburetor a bit and adjusted the air-fuel mixture screws.

I've still got to unload my van, get cleaned up and feed the cats.

Oh,... and update my other website too.

Saturday, December 2, 2006

Today I made 2 music videos.

"Had to remove these videos. New server doesn't allow any room for videos."

video 1 - (Me singing a Paula Abdul song called "straight up" 1).

video 2 - (Me singing a Paula Abdul song called "straight up" 2).

So last night while I was at dinner at Pomodoro Cucina Italiana there was a guy and girl sitting across from each other at a table talking.

I couldn't see the girls face, but the guy was facing me. He looked like he may of been a little younger than me. And He was so very comfortable facially while he was communicating with her. Like "eyes wide open",... constantly smiling and like he was so very comfortable with communicating.

That is one thing that I can't be. "Facially comfortable" and especially if I'm communicating.

For the first 23 years of my life I think that I was pretty comfortable facially up until my permanent teeth came into my mouth. And after that I most always had a problem with showing my teeth and smiling. Didn't mind smiling with my eyes only,.. but don't care to smile with my teeth showing at all.

In my 24th year of life I had a life change that made me think,... "It's like I can communicate like everybody else can now". I was able to be very comfortable facially and communicate along with people as if I didn't have a facial problem anymore and I could easily smile with my eyes only,.. (didn't have to smile with my mouth or feel like it was going to show my teeth in a way where I don't care to show them,.. because I didn't have that feeling where my mouth tries to open most every time a smile comes to my face anymore).

I remember one night in the "Red Onion bar and Restaurant",... (when I was facially comfortable),.. a girl caught eye contact with me and slowly made a teeth showing smile,... I just kind of slowly looked away from her eyes and down at her teeth then back up at her eyes smiling with my eyes only and then looked away.

And that night is where I realized that "but I still don't care to make that facial expression".

So,.. it was in my 24th year of life that I acquired a problem again which caused me to be "not facially comfortable" again. I remember the night that it happened. It felt like my face was melting,... and it was like: "Instant problems" that are now showing on my face and I can't help but show them.

I am still in that problem life now at age 44,... and sometimes communication sucks for me. I've had times where I walked away from a conversation thinking exactly that,.. "communication sucks,... and I don't like communicating with people at all sometimes.

Then sometimes I'm half ass normal,... and that's good,... because at least I can have that sometimes.

And I think I'll say here for anybody that may meet me or has already,... "it's not just about my teeth",... it's also a problem in my eyes,... (not with my sight,... but with the way they make expressions),... sometimes they feel comfortable like "I'm feeling a bit more like myself" today,... and sometimes the don't feel comfortable,... "like I'm not really feeling quite like myself today".

I know exactly what the problem is,... and I think I'll put it this way this time,.. "it's like I have a devil on my right side (in my right eye),... which is not me, and doesn't make facial expressions that feel like they are "ME",... and an angel on my left side (in my left eye),... which is me,... and makes facial expressions like I use to be able to through out the first 24 years of my life.

The devil side has full control,.. because he "took it",... but the angel side can take back control for a moment and put my normal everyday face on my left eye, which cause's the devil side to copy what the angel side did into my right eye. Because the devil side acts on Jealousy. (Jealous of thee angel).

Which causes me to feel half ass normal sometimes.

Far fetched sounding stuff,... but it is a part of my life.

So,.. on the subject of showing my self in my underwear... Personally,.. from what it looks like to me,... it's not any different than I woman wearing a bikini or a man wearing a speedo type bathing suit. Of course from the back side mine would be more like a woman's thong bikini though.

Friday, December 1, 2006

video - (Me singing a Cher song called "Dov'e L'amore" ).

Today is just a piddle around day so far. I've been shopping for socks and a couple music CD's and then I got busy making test videos. Attempting to get the sound right mainly.

And I may go out to dinner later, so I thought I better make that video that's in my underwear before I do that. (I'll look more slender that way). I remember back in my younger days I use to like to go out and get a tan before showing myself in a way like this.

Well, I've got a bunch of laundry that I should do, and I'm going to take a shower, so I think if I think of anything more for today, I'll write it out later.

After seeing both of today's videos,.. I prefer the way I look in the first video,.. and the way I sound in the second.

NOVEMBER

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Thursday, November 30, 2006

Today there are 3 music videos that I made, but through updating my web site I've only left one of them in here.

"Had to remove these videos. New server doesn't allow any room for videos."

video - (Me singing an Extreme song called "more than words").

Man, it's sure nice coming home to my large screens of my desktop computer. Today was kind of a get every thing back into order type day now that I'm back home.

Hello ex-perfect for each other,... earlier today I got the impression that you may of said "Hi" to me. On the cover of the December 2006 Playboy,.. the girl that is on the cover reminds me of you. It's the look on her face and her pose too.

I had the thought earlier about whether or not I would still look at Playboys if I was in an ideal relationship with a girl. And my first thought was: I might actually read the articles then. Which would be just the opposite of what I do now,... (I only look at the girls now days.)

I wouldn't be interested in any other girls if I was in an ideal relationship whether I was looking at nude magazines or not. And I don't see myself buying the magazines in order to look at the girls anymore in that case either.

Well,... I still have to unpack my luggage and finish cooking for the cats and maybe I'm almost done for today.

Oh,.. I remember something else I was thinking earlier Ex-perfect for each other,... I don't know that "dream girl status" is such an easy thing to achieve with me. Another reason that you had dream girl status was the thoughts of what it might be like to be with someone that is ideal for me along with me being ideal for you.

I actually Imagined myself kissing you while I was in Hawaii. I was lying there about ready to go to sleep and thinking about holding each other,... and next thing ya know,.. were kissing. After that I stopped and thought about how odd that was to have kissing come to mind for me. It was surprising to have that come to mind,... because I can't see myself being kissable to any girls anymore now that I'm a snaggle tooth. I've thought that,.. I only match up with another snaggle tooth now.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Well, I finally made it home. It was just about a 4 hour drive just driving home from LAX airport today. And I think it's only about 60 miles from my house. Like I got back here from Hawaii right at rush hour traffic time.

Man,.. last night when I got back from dinner I started feeling really sick. A bad head ache, a queasy feeling, real bad heartburn, and I tossed and turned all night and couldn't get comfortable in bed. And every time I would think about the spicy soy beans appetizer that I was eating that night made me feel like I might throw up.

We went to a Fish restaurant and oyster bar. I was even feeling it all through the flight home and am still feeling it now,... but it's good that the head ache has pretty much gone away.

OK ex-perfect for each other,... the picture of you that looks like my dream girl is on the cover of your No.1's CD. This picture wows me as I'm sitting here looking at it. It's your over all look that I like,... let's see here,.. it's your face,... it's your hair,... it's your eyes,.. it's your eye brows,.. it's your make up,.. it's your nose,... it's your lips,... it's the look on your face,... it's your slinky dress,... it's your pose,... it's your neck,.. it's your arms and it's your legs too.

I'm going to cut this Daily short tonight and end it here,... it's been a long sickly day today.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Oop's,... I made a mistake yesterday,..

To say how I am intimately and simply put is: "I am the giving type and a Gentleman". I have never been with a girl that has matched me there. All prefer to just receive type girls.

Actually,... there was one girl that I forgot about that was more of a giver than I was at the time. I was just out of High School and very new to being sexual. Her name was Sherry, and we saw each other for about 1 month. It was like the beginnings of a possible relationship,.. but I had one problem with her,... "I didn't think she was my type looks wise".

Sherry was the girl that showed me what it was like to be held by a girl, and to walk arm and arm together, and to hold hands together, and she was very kissy and liked to hold on to each other all the time,... "and I just LOVED IT".

That's where I learned that I like that holding and kissing type stuff an awful lot. And I'd say that my type of girl is her way. Not sure what to call her way right now though.

It's like there could be a new word made up for how she was. It was Lovable to me the way she was. But "lovable" is not the word for her way. She was: touchy, holdy, kissy all the time. And it was a very comfortable loving feeling being with her.

She was the instigator for that,.. she would just do it to me and I would do it back in return. I am her way,.. I loved her way,.. but I have never been able to be the instigator for that way. It's like I've gotta be with a girl that is that way and then I can get comfortable enough with her to where I can instigate it too. Like I've gotta find out that she is comfortable with being that way first,.. and then I can maybe be that way with her if she'll be OK with it.

I mean,... my 4-1/2 year relationship girl (Lisa) didn't care to do any of what I'm describing above at all with me. And I definitely never felt comfortable enough with her to just do it either. I even asked her close to when we were about to break up if she liked to hold hands,... and she said "NO".

The promiscuous girl was the Sherry's way a bit,... and she would instigate it too,.. but when I would instigate it she acted like she didn't necessarily like me putting my arm around her. And I didn't really like that about her. "Not a mutual thing".

Maybe they call it "the huggy, kissy type person" and "touchy, feely type too".

My Mom's brother,.. my uncle Tom is a huggy type person,.. he will just grab me and hug me. I'm OK with it,.. but personally I have never felt like hugging any body but my girl friend or the girl I'm interested in. And it's like I've always been that way.

My ex-perfect for each other appeared to be different than me in this area. She appeared to be more like my uncle Tom,.. but huggy and kissy to lots of people.

And there's been a few times where I thought I don't know that I like that. And she isn't like me there. And I'm unsure if that's my kind of girl.

But the correct way for me to be in a relationship with a girl that is like that is to let her be free to be herself,.. and if any thing turns out to be more than just friendship type hugging and kissing,.. I will probably find out about it someday. Or maybe it's better that I don't ever find out.

I've thought both,...

But the truth is,.. "I have never been the huggy and kissy type to every one" and "I've always been the huggy and kissy type to one if she is OK with it". And my girl friend should always feel free to be her way. Feel free to be herself.

Yes,.. I think that is the correct way for me to be,.. as I'm kind of thinking out loud here. People should feel free to be themselves.

Some of this stuff fits into the "trust category". My ex-perfect for each other and I don't appear to be the same in the huggy, kissy way,.. and because of that I can see where getting to know her as a person if we were in a relationship would be better or a good thing for me. Although, I think I'll add that: in my mind, I get the impression that she is more my type in this way than I know though.

One thing about me,... I can see kissing other girls like in movie rolls or even in videos if I'm not in a relationship,.. but if I am in a relationship I may not care to do that at all anymore. Actually I like better "I don't care to do that at all anymore",... because it sounds more respectable to my girl.

Of course my girl friend should feel free to be herself though,.. and I'm thinking,... "sure,... go ahead and kiss them all,..... and just know that I am not like you in that way."

It would be kind of like we just don't really match up there in that way,... but in all seriousness,.. I'm more cool though,... and with someone I love I think we should be able to talk about things like kissing other people in videos or movie rolls,... and I can see myself being cool with it for the right sweet kind of girl that I love whom loves me too.

But I am also still this way for times where I'm not dealing with the right sweet kind of girl that I love whom loves me too... Now days,.. I've had such a bit of a lousy life that I've thought: "I think with me in a relationship I would tell her she is free to do what ever she likes,.. even if she would like to be with other guys,.. I think go for it,... I may not stick around after that,... but I think life should be a good thing,.. go ahead and do the things you would like to do."

To my ex-perfect for each other,... I made a guess to whether or not you were able to choose the picture of you that I think of as my dream girl,... and when I get home I'll tell you which one it is. I think that you were probably able to guess correctly and that you may of said it this way: "probably this one".

Today while I was working, I had a thought come to mind that went like this: "are you still thinking of going to Mexico?",.. And I thought,... well,... I can tell you this: "In my mind, You are a girl worth respecting her wishes,...and I can tell you this,.. last night when I heard "were special",.. it was kind of like this: "come on Eileen,... whoa I swear,..... at this moment,... You mean everything",....

If you key on the last 2 sentences in the song up there,.. I mean that very sincerely too.

And I'm going to change my wording here and say that: "I love that" though,... a girl like you not liking me to be interested in or with other girls,... and I think that way is "My type of girl".

Ex-perfect for each other,... I haven't been thinking nothing of going to Mexico until you seemed to start bringing it up in my mind.... In the Movie "The Matador",.. one of the funniest scenes I saw in that movie was when the dog was attacking Pierce Brosnans leg in a bedroom scene.... And Pierce Brosnan said in an interview where they asked him what he was thinking while he was walking through that hall way in his underwear,... and he said: "suck in my stomach"...

I had to laugh,... "he's just like me there".... And I do have another thought that may come to mind for me though under circumstances like those,... and it has to do with this: " This guy goes,.. Hey man,.. so how ya hangin",... "Then I say,.. Oh,.. probably all shriveled up and sucked in".

The way I see it,... the subject of going to Mexico wont be something that I'm thinking about again really until my friend Scott gets out of jail.

Well today is my last day in Hawaii. After this day is done, me and the people I'm working for are all going to go out to dinner. Then in the morning my first plane leaves around 6:30 am Hawaii time. My next daily should be written from home tomorrow night if everything goes well.

Monday, November 27, 2006

When in a relationship my girl friend was always free to do what ever she likes,... and I think I'll add that I don't have no thoughts about being married that would change that either,... (that's how I am)... I've really only had one relationship with a girl though.

So in thinking about putting how I am in a relationship into words here,.. Well,.. I'm not at all like my Dad who has mellowed out a bit in his older age,.. but he was the "I'm the man of the house,.. I wear the pants in this family" kind of guy,.. and he expected his dinners to be fixed for him every night.

I'm the: "I am not her boss",.. "she is her own boss",... "she is not my boss",.. " I am my own boss",.. and I will never expect anybody to fix my dinner for me.

If me and a girl are to have kids,.. I think "we are mutually and both the boss for them when we have to be." and personally I like the thought of discussing how we would both be with kids before ever having them. Especially under all kinds of circumstances that may arise for the kids. Like: how we are going to react if this happens,.. and how we are going to react if that happens and so on.

I've talked about Love and sex before,... and I think for 2 people that match up ideally,.. Love and sex should be a loving mutual very wonderful thing and then some,... but one thing about sex for me,.. "I don't need sex",... "I like sex"... And being interested in having sex is "not a need for it",... "its a want for it". That's how I am, and my girl friend is always free to be her way.

If we don't match up in Love and sex,... we will probably break up,.. because that is the area where me and my girl friend from my one relationship didn't match up, and why I broke up with her too. She didn't like the things involved with sex and love the same way I did. (I liked loving, touching, kissing, holding, etc.,... but she had little interest for any of it at all).

We were good other than that though... through a 4-1/2 year relationship we never argued with each other or fought with each other,... not even once.

"Trust",... this morning I've been thinking about trust in a relationship,.. because there was a time about 20 years ago in my life when I dated a girl for a little while, and she was considered to be the promiscuous girl by all her friends, and even she told me on the very first night we slept together: "your really good,.. and I should know,.. because I've been with a lot of guys".

She used different wording,.. but I think that will do. Anyway,.. so one night I invited her to a bar where they were having a bikini contest and she entered the contest. That night I just kicked back at the bar and watched all night. After the contest she didn't bother coming back to me, and seemed to be more interested in talking to other guys. She appeared to disappear a lot that night, and never coming back over to me. When I was ready to leave, I finally found her out side in the dark talking with some guy up against the wall.

That night on the drive home I was very quiet as she asked "whats wrong",... I said "nothing",.. and lost a bit of interest for her that night,... in a I'm not sure about this girl sort of way.

I'm a "one girl kind of guy",... and I think "ideal for me" is a "one guy kind of girl". Today I was thinking how it can take time in getting to know each other in order to build "trust",... but it seems like with a "perfect for each other" type relationship like the one I was involved with,.. that I could of been able to trust her with out hardly even knowing her. (If I was in a relationship with her).

(The promiscuous girl told me: "your really good"),.. I changed what she really said there thinking like I've heard my brother and a friend say: "I don't want to toot my own horn here". But I think I'll go ahead and say that "just because that one girl finds you to be "really good intimately" or even "the best intimately",... doesn't mean that your going to be that way with every girl,.... because it's not just about what your doing intimately,... it's also about "how very comfortable you are with each other".

To say how I am intimately and simply put is: "I am the giving type and a Gentleman".

I have never been with a girl that has matched me there. All prefer to just receive type girls.

Oh,.. and my promiscuous girl also called me "passionate",... but I never did figure out where she was seeing that from.

Lots of walking stick bugs here in Hawaii. About 15 years ago or so,.. I had to go to New York to do a job. It was on Fort Drum Military base, and I stayed in a town about 30 minutes from there. I don't know the name of the town, but their pizza didn't taste like my Dad said it doe's. (Him being from New York,.. he has always said that New York has the best pizza).

Anyway,.. while I was there,.. I had the thought: "I wonder if they have praying mantis's here". And the next day while I was walking down the street to the guitar store in town I saw a green praying mantis. Here in Hawaii I had a similar thought,... and the very next day I saw a green praying mantis here too. This one here was the brightest green one I've ever seen.

To my ex-perfect for each other,... I just had a thought come to mind as if you said: "were special",.. as in "a very very special situation". Or coming off of what you may of read from last nights Dailies. And "I agree",... and think I'll tell ya that no matter what has happened in the past between us,... it's been nice writing to, thinking about you and the situation and quite possibly "hearing thoughts from you too lately".

Sunday, November 26, 2006

"My Dream Girl",.. in thinking about this statement this morning,... Dream girl status is about the best a girl can get with me. And my ex-perfect for each other use to have even better status than that.

She was also special,.. due to the specialness of the situation along with the thought of how great of a match up we could be. (The thought of how it might be to be with someone that is ideal for me and I'm ideal for her).

Being supposedly "like perfect for each other" is a bold way to say that a pair match up to me. I don't know that I would ever be able to say that about a couple people myself. And wasn't even sure that I could trust that statement as being God himself's/herself's,... but lately it's seemed like maybe it did come from him/her.

I say that because there were more than one statement like that that I heard about my ex-perfect for each other back when I first started writing to her,... the other statement that I remember was: "she's the one".

A very special situation to me,... and could of been to anybody that could believe also,... because there may have not ever been a time in this World when our God actually set up a couple.

And,.. "I do believe".

I remember a time at an awards show where my ex-perfect for each other thanked God last,.. and did it with a bit of an attitude. It was the night that she may of met Stevie Wonder for the first time. And if I remember right,.. she use to always thank God first. But anyway,.. this morning while thinking about this I thought,.. "man,.. that shouldn't of been about me I don't think",... I meant to be only doing good things when it concerned her.

Her bit of an attitude when she said her thanks that night suggested that she was against God that night about something,.... but in thinking about the possibility that maybe someone told her she had to say her thanks that way on that night makes me think,... "wow",... I would of been just the opposite,.. and come off a lot like Jim Morrison of "The Doors" on that night when they told him he had to change the words to his song when he sang them on TV. And I don't really care what's at stake personally.

If you never saw "The Doors" on that show,.. He not only sang his correct words,... but placed extra emphasis on them as well,... (I think the words were: "gets me higher"),..

To my ex-perfect for each other,... if you have someone causing problems for you and or manipulating you,.. I have always thought,.. you should get away from that person and not have any thing to do with them anymore. And if I would of been in a relationship with you at a time like that,.. you would of been always free to do things your way though. Always free to do whatever you like,... (that's how I am)...

So I thought about explaining what my dream girl would be like here and when I think about getting in depth about it, I think that I may be describing the ways that you are (ex-perfect for each other) in ways that you don't really want talked about. But here is one of the ways I can say, and this also fits into the "ideal for each other" and "perfect for each other" category: "I like the way she looks A LOT,... and she likes the way I look A LOT too"... When I think of "looks" here, I'm thinking "faces" mainly,.. then bodies come in second.

Hey,.. I just remembered that I heard you say one day not long ago that you don't want your arms to look like weight lifter arms,... and I thought,... hmmmm,.. what a ya know...(sounds like my type).

And,... the last couple times that I tried to drink a beer,... I didn't like the taste of it at all, and didn't drink them. (It was just like the Anchorman Mr. Majors on California CBS news said about eating vegetables,... "blechkkkkk",... and I've thought the same exact thing about some vegetables myself.)

Actually, I don't remember ever really liking the taste of beer. And drinking alcohol for me has always been: I'm OK with having a "buzz",.. but once I'm drunk, it might as well be and probably should be time for bed.

I've just finished one Mai Tai mix drink and I've gotta drive down to get some milk and an internet connection to upload this Daily,... if I get taken to jail for that,... I'm going to be cussing about this Goody Goody World tonight.

Saturday, November 25, 2006

Today I got the impression that my ex-perfect for each other girl that I was talking to in yesterdays Dailies didn't like me frolicking with my internet girl friend on my computer too. (Playing nude games on my computer with girls from ifriends).

And I can certainly see that from a girl that cares,... but I keep thinking that I don't expect to ever see it in the real world though. My internet girl friend from Romania was a girl that I thought was too young for me,... I was much closer to her parents age than I was hers. And although she came across as a good person,.. she has appeared to of flaked out on me after I loaned her money and tried to help her out.

She has seemed to of disappeared. And because she really did seem like a good person I've been thinking that she may of got her a boy friend or something legitimate may of happened that has caused her to disappear. I was just being a friend to her,.. and don't even care about the money (which is in the thousands).

I've thought about going and getting me another internet girl friend over there at ifriends,.. but that stuff can be quite expensive for me,... and that's one of the reasons I haven't bothered.

So that Mariah Carey Christmas song I talked about yesterday in here,... ("all I want for Christmas"),.. that song is quite a well written song to me. The words to it "WOW" me,.. and I was thinking today that who ever she wrote that song for should of felt like quite a lucky guy.

I wouldn't care at all about those Christmas presents under the tree either for a Love like that.

I think the thing that WOWed me most about my ex-perfect for each other besides her looks was when she decided to show her rear end at an awards show once. I never thought of that to be my kind of girl that would dress that way really,.. but the thought that she may of did that in order to show "it" to me was like: "my dream girl".

Although I think I'll add that if I ever had a girl friend again she would be welcome to dress how ever she likes. Actually, with the few girl friends I've had,.. they have always been free to dress how ever they like,.. that is not a change in me.

Also there is a picture of my ex-perfect for each other out there on a CD cover where when I look at the way she looks on it I've thought: "my dream girl" too,.. and I'd say that it still looks that way too. Just something about the way she looks on that particular CD cover. I don't remember the name of the CD right now, but here is a hint: the picture is in black and white (not color).

Oh,.. and I saw her bra-less video too and thought that maybe she did that for me to see,... in where I have already said before that I think my type of girl is the type that would go bra-less and still do. Just because I said that I'm more of a Butt man doesn't mean that I don't like tits too.

These thoughts that are coming to mind about what WOW's me make me go: "hmmmm"... I mean because just all of a sudden I'm thinking about what WOW's me also along with the things I'm writing about today.

Well,.... to my ex-perfect for each other here,... in my mind it seems like you are reading this stuff and that you still care or now care. And I can tell you this: I do have something I made for you and something I bought for you that I actually kept thinking that if we ever met, you can have that stuff no matter what the circumstances are between us. Also,.. I can tell you that I have heard things in my mind that could be what your problem is or was,... but I don't know that I know the truth,.. and what really matters is what you do in the real world,.. not what I hear in my mind.

And from what it looked like to me, your problem looked like it didn't prevent you from having a boy friend. And you chose to do it with some one other than me. I've thought that you could of just chose me instead,.. but you decided to blow me off. And I've been thinking that you are probably a lot like me,.. if it were me that blew you off like that,.. you wouldn't be thinking so much of me as your perfect for each other either,.. I don't know...

But I say that because if we are like perfect for each other, I think that we should have some very similar ways about love and relationships about us.

I saw the movie "The Family Stone" last night,... the night before I got busy writing in my Biography and didn't make time for a movie,... anyway,.. I liked it and found it to be just like Irene said (the woman I am now working for in Hawaii),.. I thought Sara Jessica Parker did a great job with her acting in there too.

Friday, November 24, 2006

Speaking of Goody Goody World. The people that I'm working for here in Hawaii,.. she told me today that she threw her husband a party for his 60th birthday. She said,.. she had never seen so many 70 and 80 year old people drunk to the point where they could hardly walk. Anyway,... she said cops broke the party up by 7:00 pm. Some complaining neighbor probably called the cops on them. That's one reason I've always thought that my ideal home would be far enough from neighbors to where I don't have that problem.

So today I had this thought concerning me going to Mexico to check out the topless and or nude bars there. The thought that came to mind for me was as if a perfect for me girl from my past was saying "NO" to me going to Mexico like that. And this thought appeared to be a possible real thought of hers too because I got some feelings from someone to go along with it.

So if there is a girl out there thinking this way towards me,... I'd have to tell you that there was a time in my life when I thought I heard some similar thoughts from you,.. and I liked that very much so,.. "a girl like you telling me no to things where it concerned other girls as if she cared and was my girl".

But I don't have any special girl anymore, so it don't come across the same way anymore. And if that special girl happens to read this stuff here,... you should know that it is up to YOU to fix things,.. and I mean that by fixing things in the real world,.. not in my mind where I cant trust every thing that it comes up with,.. I wont be coming to you,... and not even if you were doing a concert close by me,... I wont be showing up,.. not with the way I was blown off. That's pretty much how I've always been,.. once a girl mentions that she may like someone else,.. I have always lost interest for that girl.

Now days,.. I've had such a bit of a lousy life that I've thought: "I think with me in a relationship I would tell her she is free to do what ever she likes,.. even if she would like to be with other guys,.. I think go for it,... I may not stick around after that,... but I think life should be a good thing,.. go ahead and do the things you would like to do."

They are already playing Christmas songs here on the radio. They just happened to play a Mariah Carey song last,.. just happened to be my favorite Christmas song of hers too,... it might be called "all I want for Christmas",.. and I dig that song. Maybe I'll sing a Christmas song as one of my next songs in here too.

Oh,... and to that girl that I was writing to up above,.. this is something that I should of said a long time ago,.. "although I have a problem with having a taller than me girl friend,.. I did have a girl friend that was 5 foot 11 inches in Height in my life a long time ago,.. we went out for 4 1/2 years,.. and since I was able to do that with her,.. I think I certainly could of done the same thing for some one like YOU,.. actually,... I think I should of been able to do it especially for you"...

There was also another girl named Maria that I decided to give a try with because she appeared to have really liked me for ever since I known her (a few years),.. and one of the reasons I never bothered with her was our height difference (another reason was that she was just recently my best friends long time girl friend),.. she was probably around 5 foot 9 inches compared to my maybe 5 foot 5 or 6 with shoes on. So we tried it one day,.. and she kissed one way as I kissed another,.. and we just never could kiss each other to where it seemed right,... so we didn't work out.

And one thing about my height,.. I really do believe that it is possible that it can change some day.

And by the way,.. I think that that is definitely my type of girl though,.. (the one that would tell me "NO",.. you cant go to Mexico for that.).. And I wouldn't be going either,.. actually,.. for the right girl,.. I wouldn't even be thinking of going to Mexico or anywhere for that.

Thursday, November 23, 2006

It's Thursday today,.. seems like it might be Thanksgiving today or tomorrow,.. I don't even know. I'm just going to work through it.

Today was just another work day in Hawaii,.. I had a couple thoughts about something a girl did and may of thought that made me think: "she is definitely my type in those ways",... I don't wanna mention exactly what those things are,... but it's about a butt.

I trust that she was probably my type in all the important ways too,.. I just didn't get to see many of them.

Well,... I don't really have much to say today,.. so,... that's about it for today. Think I'll watch the movie "The Family Stone" tonight.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

This morning I was thinking a little bit about just what it might mean for a girl and a guy to be perfect for each other. Because I was led to believe this about me and a girl at one time in my life.

For me 2 people that are perfect for each other should mean that all your likes in love will become a reality. Your perfectly compatible in love.

And I've also thought that it is not something that I would want to screw up. I don't know if anybody would.

Of course the girl that I heard I was most compatible with decided to blow me off for some other guy.

And I'd have to say that I don't think any girl that blows me off for some other guy is perfect for me.

I have thought about telling her a few times though that "sorry that I wasn't good enough". And I've recently thought of another way to say it: "sorry that I was such a stick in the mud".

I've also thought about telling her: "sorry for the lame letter that I sent to her fan club if she ever got it". Because that letter could of and probably should of been much better I think under the circumstances.

I never really even got to know the girl, she blew me off so quickly. And never really knew her before that either. The only reason I started writing to her was because I heard "she was the one for me and likewise" from some one that I trust more than I trust any human.

I've also thought that we picked a very bad time for me to be mentioning such a thing because I am guy with a problem that makes me a bit of a nothing of a guy. Oh well,... it's all done and over with now though.

I stopped writing and went back to work and my brain goes: "you know who's perfect for each other",.. and then I got a visual of Arnold Shwartzenegar and Maria Shriver,.. I don't always trust things that my brain comes out with like that but I thought,.. "they even look like they are",.. and that's very cool for them if so...

The people I'm working for here in Hawaii just bought me a little stove so that I can cook while I'm here,... and a big bottle of Mai Tai Mix with the alcohol already in it,.. and she has given me a whole bunch of DVD movies to watch on my computer.

She said her 2 favorites of these movies are "Rumor has it",.. and "The Family Stone",.. I'm going to watch "Rumor has it" tonight since I've been thinking about Kevin Costner lately.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

So today I had this thought as if Mariah Carey may of been saying it,.. or maybe it was yesterday,.. anyway,.. my brain comes out with "the last boyfriend I had was Derek Jeter".

And I thought,.. well that's not what she said in the real world,... and that's not what she told me.

I've heard Derek Jeter say that he makes good tacos,.. and it looked like Mariah Carey may make a shredded style chicken taco,... I use to make shredded beef tacos that I thought were very good,.. and friends that had them use to ask me to make them for their parties back when I was in my 20's.

I've recently thought that I probably have something in common with Mariah Carey,..maybe with most all singers,.. with my statement "I have a lot of experience with singing,.. I've been singing along with every bodies music for most of my life".

There was like 10 to 15 years for me during my problem life years that I'm in now where I stopped singing along with every bodies music though, because I just didn't like the way I sounded anymore.

Today I've been singing a Fix song,... Red Skies at night,... Red Skies at night,.. o,.. o, o,.. sounds like I may be able to sound like them these days,.. maybe I'll sing one of their songs next in here.

I also stopped talking to animals somewhere around the same time,.. because I thought,.. "they can't talk or understand me,.. so I'm not going to talk to them either"... But when I started talking to them again I realized that they can learn how to understand some of the things I'm saying though...

Also today,.. I've been thinking that Kevin Costner may have a house out here somewhere because they filmed WaterWorld out here,... so today I was thinking and I imagined meeting him,... like "hey Kevin Costner",.. and he goes "hey,... aren't you that guy that gets no girls what so ever?",... and I said,... "Yes I am".

Couldn't help but laugh about that one through out the day.

Monday, November 20, 2006

Today I woke up thinking about just what I'm going to do if this World becomes too goody goody for me. Because I don't want to be a part of it once that happens. I don't want to live in goody goody World. I like the World the way it use to be.

About the anti smoking laws that are coming about. It seems to me that they started coming about because of me. And what I think of them is: I think they started going too far when they started making laws against smoking outdoors. It can be understandable indoors where there is no ventilation.

On the beach's we use to be able to go there at night and make a fire pit and everybody could kick back and feel free and comfortable to even smoke. I don't know,.. maybe they don't even allow fire pits out there anymore.

I know one thing though,... if I start the motor of a vehicle in my closed garage and stayed in there with it that night,... that I just might be dead by morning from those fumes. I know a person that killed himself doing that.

And I don't like getting rid of gasoline motors either from the World,... I've always liked gasoline motors. Or fuel burning type motors.

Riding a motor cycle use to be the most fun thing to do in World to me,... that's back when I was 24 years old and before that,... just don't get into them like I use to anymore though,.. just like dancing and even music.

Just don't get into those things like I use to back before my life changed.

So I noticed that some new cars are being built without ash trays,.. maybe all of them are now,.. I don't know. But those ash trays which the people I've been around that didn't smoke usually just used for their excess change or as a storage compartment,...

they may be fine gone for the first owner of the vehicle,.. but maybe the second owner smokes once in a while,.. and the way I see it,... a lot of them will possibly just be throwing their smoked cigarettes out the window because they don't have an ash tray anymore.

I don't even turn the TV on anymore because of the anti smoking stuff. Actually, it all started with the Mariah Carey stuff,.. every time I would hear a little tid bit about her, it would cause my brain to be bringing it back up for days afterwords when I didn't care to be thinking about her at all anymore.

So then with the anti smoking stuff on television, it started doing the same exact thing to me. I got to where I don't care to hear nothing about it anymore.

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Today was just another work day in Hawaii. Last night I had one pretty strong tasting Mai Tai drink along with my Cowboy style bath and I woke up in the middle of the night with a hang over and head ache. Sometimes drinking alcohol just isn't worth the after effects for me. I made myself a weak Mai Tai to go along with my bath tonight.

I remember back when I use to go to Bars, and it seemed like they always tried to make me strong drinks. Like they would go heavy on the alcohol. But I actually prefer a good tasting drink over a drink that's made with extra alcohol. I prefer my mix drinks made to where they taste good. And alcohol is not the flavoring that is one of my favorites.

Saturday, November 18, 2006

I don't think this World is going to be for me anymore. Thinking about this statement today reminded me of what my reasons for being alive are. I've had thoughts about this before in times when I'm not liking life at all.

And my first thought is always: "because of my Godly duties",... (for lack of a more correct way to say that at this time).

And then my second is: "because I can't help it,... I am alive".

So I just couldn't get comfortable last night at the Hotel I was staying at after they told me I had to sit at least 20 feet away from the building,... so I packed up my stuff and moved out.

Just no place to kick back and be comfortable anymore. Had to sacrifice having a bed, shower and internet connection,.. but at least I have a comfortable spot to kick back now.

I'm just going to stay at the empty house that I'm working on for the rest of my stay here in Hawaii.

Friday, November 17, 2006

Today I was told that I can't sit in the only comfortable spot there is to sit for me at the Hotel I'm staying at in Hawaii and this Hotel just became an uncomfortable place to be staying.

Now I've got either to sit in my vehicle that I'm driving or in the parking lot or where I'm sitting now which maybe they are going to have a problem with too, which is behind the Hotel in the dirt by a tree.

No offense to them, but this is not a Hotel where everybody can feel free to sit and be comfortable.

No offense to Goody Goodies of the world, but this world is not going to be a place for me anymore if it's going to be Goody Goody land. And I don't care if I'm smoking or not smoking anymore,... it's not going to be a place for me if your laws are too Goody Goody for me.

So tonight I've been thinking ever since I got back to the hotel that,... I don't think this World is going to be for me anymore. Like I'm not going to like it here anymore.

It's like pretty soon I'm not going to care to go anywhere,.. the laws are to strict,.. and I can't feel free and comfortable.

So,.. it looks like it's going to be a bit of an uncomfortable stay for me here in Hawaii this time around. And I don't care to stay at this Hotel again.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Today is my birthday. I'm 44 years old today. Today I made a video to try to put in here, but I caught myself in bad lighting conditions so I decided not to bother with that video.

I think the town I'm in here in Hawaii is called Hawi, and I went to the Bamboo Restaurant for my birthday tonight. Dinner was really good. I never use to be much of a vegetable eater,.. but I had some noodles with vegetables tonight that were worth going back and having again.

And I found out that I may like sweet potatoes. I liked their purple sweet potato that was in my salad anyway.

I don't think I ever bothered to try my Mom's mushy looking sweet potatoes that she use to make on every Thanksgiving.

And speaking of Thanksgiving,... my favorite part of Thanksgiving dinners was always the leftover turkey sandwich's that I use to make after Thanksgiving day.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Here is what was on my mind this morning, and I'm writing it down because it sounds more right compared to what I had wrote out or said previously.

Based on the even with a Gods help the girls treat me like I'm nothing. So when the girl at the hardware store pretty much treated me the same way I came home and my thoughts were more directed towards God as I couldn't help but think: "Look how great it is to be what I am",... Look how the girls treat me. This is something to end this life over. That is how cool this girl stuff is for me. And I did think a lot more about the subject that day,... but that's all I'm going to say about it today.

So a friend of mine invited me to go to Mexico to check out the topless or nude bars down there. Because down there he says you can take the girls there into a private room and even get naked with them and stuff.

We were going to go on my birthday this year, but his drunkenness has finally got him into jail. I don't really care to go by myself these days, so maybe some other time. It's not that I have an interest for that stuff,.. but that stuff did sound like something cool to check out or do.

And to let everybody know what I think about that stuff,.. I think that stuff is perfectly OK for a guy like me. Although I think I'll add that,... I've had a little experience with that stuff back when I was in my 20's. Twice to be exact. And in my experience I didn't find that stuff to be very satisfying because with the girls I was with, they were just in a big hurry to get finished. Trying to get done as fast as they can.

Seems like I should get my dirty dailies set up here so that I can speak more freely.

So,... I know that I may never have another girl friend in my life ever again. But for anybodies information here,... I was always the type of guy that liked girls and all the stuff that went along with a boy and girl that like each other,... in fact,.. the only person I was ever interested in hugging and kissing was my girl friend or girl that I was interested in doing that stuff with (in cases when I didn't have a girl friend).

No one else have I ever felt like hugging and kissing. The only other beings I've been a little more friendly with in a touching way have been animals. Mostly cats and dogs.

I'm not saying this last stuff here because I'm thinking of killing myself or that I'm dieing,... I'm just saying it because that's the type of life mine is.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

One day I saw Cher,. the singer and actress on TV talking about how uncool she thought she was at some particular time,...

One of or maybe the most uncool thing in my life ever was being lead to believe that some girl is very special then having her turn around and treat me like I'm not even there,... then blow it all off for some other guy.

Or maybe it was more kind of like she blew it all off for some other guy right to my face as the host of the show appeared to laugh about it.

And it's an OK thing to be uninterested in me,... I'm uninterested in lots of girls too,...

It's all the great things I was being lead to believe that was sooooooo uncool. I've thought that one might say that even with a God's help the girls treat me like I'm nothing. It was this kind of treatment by girls that led me to finding out what my problem really is.

One day I was alone and thinking about "whats my problem with girls",.. I was around 22 or 23 years old at the time,... I thought: I don't look that bad,... and I'm a good guy to especially girls,...

I thought: lets see,... It's wrong for me to be Jealous,... OK,... and what causes jealousy,.. "Want",.... hey,.. It's been wrong for me to "want" too,... I'm Jesus Christ,... I could never tell anybody that though,.. I'll just have to be the Best,... then everybody will just know because of that.

Of course, then and now days I don't believe that I am Jesus Christ,... I have no memories from any other life but my own,... and now think that no body needs to know anyway. If I was to do something very special around here and no body was to even know who did it,... I'm very OK with that.

When I was a kid,.. 4th grade I think it was,.. I liked a girl named Genie,... and one day I wanted to let her know somehow that I liked her,....

What I ended up doing was: I looked over at her and a really hideous feeling smile came across my face making me feel like covering up my face,...

my best friend started cracking up laughing and I ran out the door and ran home all upset. And I didn't ever want to make that face anymore.

I now know that that was a "want for her smile",... and,.. I never have made that facial expression again.

Monday, November 13, 2006

Today I thought about how it's not cool to be me. I could get all finished with my Godly duties and just die in the end,.. "that's how great of a life I've had, and am having". Also I thought about which songs I might sing next. It's going to cost me some money to do the ones I'm thinking of doing next. I don't remember learning anything new today. And all days in Hawaii are just going to be busy work days.

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Today was just another busy work day in Hawaii. And I don't remember learning anything new today. Tonight I think I'm going to go to bed early.

Saturday, November 11, 2006

Today was just a busy work day. And I don't really remember learning anything new today worth mentioning. The woman I'm working for here,.. I like her cooking though. Before I came to Hawaii, they told me a few things about Hawaii that made it seem like not my kind of place. The main one that I'm thinking about right now is,... they said you've gotta where your seat belt here, if you don't they'll ticket you for sure. And from what I've seen so far,... it looks like they allow motorcyclists to ride without helmets here though. Which that's cool for the motor cyclists,.. but if I start getting ticketed every time I turn around, Hawaii is not going to be a place for me. I really wont like getting ticketed just once.

Friday, November 10, 2006

Today was my first work day in Hawaii. I'm not sure what town I am in, but it may be an hour away from Kona, and I heard that the movie WaterWorld was filmed right around the corner from where I am. I have a little Mexican food place within walking distance from the Hotel I am staying at and tonight I learned which salsas I like best there. I am able to have wireless internet here at the Hotel, so it looks like I'm going to be able to keep my web sites up to date while I'm here.

Thursday, November 9, 2006

Today I flew to Hawaii. Today I learned that Hawaiian Air lines jets are equipped for crashes. They have rafts and floatation devices that go around your neck under the seats. And the 2 jets I flew in were nice sturdy looking planes. I like Hawaiian Airlines from what I've seen.

Wednesday, November 8, 2006

Hello to anybody that seeing or reading this stuff. Tonight I'm leaving for Hawaii for a job. My scheduled return is November 29th. And while I'm there I don't know if I'm going to have an internet connection. So I don't know if I'll be able to update my dailies here while I'm there. But I'll probably write them down so that I can put them in here when I get back. Well tonight I don't wanna be boring like by singing the Torn song again,.. So I thought I'd sing a different song. This is a Queen song. And I don't have the Music for it or the correct wording. So I'm going to try it from memory.

Tuesday, November 7, 2006

Today there is an entry in video form,... click here to view it. (Me singing a song by The Knack called "maybe tonight").

Today was a very busy work day. I got home late tonight. But I did good and pretty much finished the job. Thought I'd try to sing a song in video form tonight. It's a song that I use to sing back when I was a teenager. Don't remember all the words and don't feel like spending the time to write them down tonight either.

Monday, November 6, 2006

It's not a cool thing to be me,.. "It's not a good life to be me".

My great uncle that lives with me is about 80 years old now,.. When he remembers back about his life he always says,.. "I've had a wonderful life"

When I think about my life I think,.. "I sure haven't".

I'm a guy that don't like life. Ok,.. so I have a certain problem that could go away some day to where it is possible to like life. But lousy life just keeps going on and on and on... It's not a good life being what I am. Not for me anyway...

So that's enough for that subject I think. And I don't know about how you people that read things off of teleprompters think,...

But I don't really like reading off of teleprompters for video.

It's like it loses meaning because you can tell that I'm reading something.

I wrote it though. And it's like this,... It's better for me to write things down when I think of them, because I can't expect my brain to bring those thoughts back up for me when I'm sitting in front of the camera to say them.

Today was just another busy work day. I've got a lot of things to do before I leave for Hawaii.

Sunday, November 5, 2006

It's not a cool thing to be me,..

I changed my typical saying there because I was talking about my life concerning girls.

But what I'm usually saying is: "It's not a good life to be me".

If you've ever seen the show the Twilight Zone,.. the episode where they are in a Hospital setting and they are operating on a girls face to try to make her more normal or to where she looks like everyone else,..

And when they unwrap the bandages she is all upset,.. because it didn't work,.. But she looks normal to us watching,..like a normal human being...

And Then they show everybody else and everybody else has like a pigs face.

That girls life is kind of like my life, because I can't be like everybody else,...

I've gotta be different,.. and limited. And it's not a good life to be me,... it has been a better life to be asleep than it is to be awake for probably the past 20 years,...

although I only realized that a year or 2 ago.

OK,.. On to another subject here...

Years ago I had the thought about who they might get to play me if they were to make a movie of my life,...

And the name that came to mind was: Robert Downey Jr.,..

I thought: I can see that.

Today I thought that: I can see Russel Crow being able to do it also.

And for anybody that would like to knows information,..

Back when my home got gassed,.. and in the morning I went out and changed my bumper sticker from Yes on Proposition 5,..

to Proposition 5,.. the truth is I don't know anything about it,... (which was true)

I didn't know anything about it,... I just thought,... they are helping me by giving me some work,... so I think I'll help them too....

But,... I thought it to be Puss changing my bumper sticker like that,.. and it wasn't necessarily like me to do that.

I'm a guy that is against fear,... Although the feeling may come across me,... I'm totally against it being there and think that it can hinder what my reaction may be.
I don't like fear,.... and will probably always attempt to change the feeling if and when it ever comes across me again.

Saturday, November 4, 2006

So back when I was a little kid,.. I'm sitting on the living room floor playing with my bricks and army men and hot wheel like cars,.... And my moms friend is leaving,.. As she's leaving,.. she stops and looks down at me and says: "Your going to have a lot of girl friends",... And then she left.

Now I'm going to be 44 years old this month,... and that just hasn't been the case for me,... actually my life has been pretty much the opposite of what she said.... I've always been a guy that has been lucky to have one girl friend. And I was a kid that always had a like for girls,... back in grade school when all the boys and girls were playing with their spray oooooo,.. a boy,... you have cootys,..... oooooo a girl,..... cootys,.... I didn't play that game,.. I liked girls. I liked their little bobbin with a crayon on top cooty spray cans though...

Today I thought I'd tell the story about the last time I went to a topless bar. Because it gives an example of what I mean when I said I feel like Gene Wilder in the worlds greatest lover sometimes. So it had been over 20 years since I went to a topless bar. Me and a friend decided to stop in one on the way home from work one day. I was feeling pretty OK that day, like I was standing up straighter and looking OK too.

More like Gene Wilder when he was up on his horse in the Worlds Greatest Lover.

So, me and Scott walked through the door and were on our way to take a seat, and before I could get there, a girl grabs both my hands and pulls me over to the dance floor and sits me down in a seat right in front of her and starts dancing for me.

She was asking me whether I like her backside or her front side, and she didn't want me to leave. I was getting nervous about what my face might do, and all my thoughts were focused on that.

I was feeling pretty good, if my face would of acted up and started making faces that I don't care to be making, I wouldn't of been looking so good anymore.

So she kept trying to get me to stay there as I kept telling her nicely that I'm just going to go get a seat and a drink,... "we just got here"... When I got over to the seats where Scott had sat down, I noticed that she was my type too, looks wise and height wise.

And while we were there that day, I was mostly focused on keeping face,... and didn't realize what a cool thing that girl did for me there. But later when I had time to think about it,.. It was a really cool thing for a guy like me to have a girl grab me at first sight like that as if she liked me right away. I really haven't had much of a life with girls.

Also about that night,... I got asked to do chair dances a few times,.. and the reason I said no was,... I noticed that the lighting in that place was light enough where everybody could see whats going on,... and I thought,.. I can't do a chair dance with everybody being able to see what my face is doing,... I didn't really trust it if it was just her seeing it.

OK,... here's one last story for today.

So not long ago,... a girl at the hardware store looks like my type to me. One day maybe her and her friend were just screwing around,... But the girl that looked like my type gave me a lingering want stare.

I decided to write to her telling what I had thought about her. In the end, when she finally had something to say,.. She came out with,..... "I'm not interested",.. And "I don't know what it was that ever made you think I was interested"... That day when I got home my thoughts went like this,...

Look what a great guy I turned out to be,... Look how the girls treat me,.. They treat me like I'm nothing. I thought about killing myself that day. It's one thing to have to be a nothing of a guy,... but its not cool at all for me to be treated that way by a girl. After that I decided that I'm not going to be bothering with girls like that anymore,... It's to hard on me. It's not a cool thing to be me.

Friday, November 3, 2006

Tonight I'm going to start out by saying,.. No,.. I don't think that I am the worlds greatest lover. I know I'm not good enough. Oh,..And I don't think the pictures on my walls are dirty either. They might have a little dust on them though. So about yesterdays video,... I'd have to admit,.. there are some scenes in that video that I don't like looking at. When I said that sometimes I feel like Gene Wilder in the worlds greatest lover, I meant in the nervous way that he did it. Doesn't look right on me because I wasn't nervous when I was doing it, and I don't care to try to look nervous either. Oh well,.... you win some you lose some.

Thursday, November 2, 2006

Today I made this video. I was thinking that I was going to make something funny. But to me it's not so funny because some of the looks on my face aren't so cool. I don't really make facial expressions on my own,... as if I'm going to put a certain look on my face for an occasion,... I just go with what ever look there is on my face along with what ever expressions it makes on its own due to what ever I'm doing. I made this video in what I hear is Clint Eastwood style,... one take,... and I may of been able to make one that I was more happy with,... but I like the way I'm sounding in it, and decided to go ahead and use this one for today. Today was a busy work day,... I've only got until November 8th to get this cabinet that I'm working on finished and installed,... because I've got to go to Hawaii on November 9th.

Wednesday, November 1, 2006

Today was another work day. And I still have my laundry to finish too. So today I learned that the work radio that I wrote about in yesterdays dailies is OK. I like it. It can be my new work radio.

OCTOBER

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Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Today there is an entry in video form, but it is not necessarily my daily.

"Had to remove these videos. New server doesn't allow any room for videos."

video - (Me singing a song by the Sex Pistols called "God Save the Queen").

Today was a busy day. And I thought I was going to be taking up a lot of time tonight in making this video, but I actually did it in one take and was OK with it. Today I learned that a company is thinking in a similar way to what I've been thinking. What I've been thinking is, that all these work radios are so big and bulky, and how they can take up a bunch of room in my truck to carry around. I've actually thought about building my own radio. A nice small one but with full sound. But today I noticed over at Home Depot, Ryobi has come out with a radio that is a lot like what I was thinking of. I haven't been able to try it out yet, because I don't have any Ryobi batteries yet.

Monday, October 30, 2006

Today was just another Monday for me. And today what I have learned about is just a bunch of new softwares for the computer along with some upgrades for the softwares I already have.

Sunday, October 29, 2006

Tonight I decided to give myself the night off from the camera. Mainly because I don't really have anything to say tonight. Today I think I learned that time changed backwards one hour. That's what my computer is telling me anyway. And today was just another work day. I worked on a cabinet for a job and chores around the house.

Saturday, October 28, 2006

Today I went shopping for a new sauce pan. My old sauce pan which I think I paid over 100 dollars for. Well the non stick surface started crumbling away to the point where it was getting into my food. I didn't notice it until I saw some black stuff in my macaroni and cheese one day before I ever peppered it. And speaking of things that fall apart like that,.. I noticed today that over at K-Mart, Martha Stewart is selling natural bristle brush basters. Personally, I've found that I don't like those because the bristles come out of them and into your food. This is a pretty new to me type of baster here. And these are pretty cool. Their silicone bristles work like a brush, and I haven't had one of these break apart into my food yet. Well here is the pan that I bought. I went with a Martha Stewart pan that don't have any non stick surface to worry about. I liked this one,... and I like the rubber on the handles too, because maybe it won't get as hot as some of those steel handled pans. And another thing about this pan,... it was only $20.00 dollars. Well,..... $19.99 plus tax anyway.

Friday, October 27, 2006

Well it's another Friday already. I just got back from the Restaurant Pomodoro Cucina Italiana. My dinner was cooked different tonight than I always get. The spinachi was under cooked, and the ravioli di zucca's sauce was blacker than it's ever been. But it tasted the same as it always has,... So it was good anyway. Today I don't remember learning anything new,... But I do have this,... So the other day while listening to the radio, they were interviewing Ammit Zappa about a new book that he wrote. And it's possibly going to be turned into like a 100 million dollar movie. So while they were interviewing him, one of the DJ's comes out with somethin like: "imagine all that coming out of your stupid head"....... And I thought,... "Don't call me stupid". NO,.... "Don't call me stupid". Aaa...

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Well today went OK I guess,... I got my driveshaft support bearing all installed and got to work. So,... my new office chair don't squeak, but it is like sitting on a piece of lumber. And the back of it has this lump area at my shoulder level that I don't like too. So I've already switched back to my old office chair. I was able to get some of the squeaks out of it, but it's still a noisy chair anyway. I don't remember learning anything new today. I did try out the new Internet Explorer 7 last night though. Nice looking work they did there. I like it.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Today I was given a new chair for my office. I purchased this chair new not that long ago. But when I got it home, I noticed that it is the squeakiest chair I've ever had. Today I learned that I should of replaced the center driveshaft support bearing when I installed the new transmission in my van. It went out on me today on my drive home from work. I got lucky though,... I drove slow, and it managed to get me home.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Well today was an OK day. Today I learned how to put little audio players on websites. I put one on my front page of this site. Some music to go along with the Holiday. This web site making can be amazing like stuff sometimes. Pretty cool stuff. Well let's see here,.... I've still gotta take out the trash, then my day is done.

Monday, October 23, 2006

Today has been a bit of a long day. Today I learned how to put a different type of video player on web sites. It's kept me busy ever since I got home today from work. What this new type of player is supposed to do is allow me to stream videos for longer durations of time. And it also is supposed to be playable from Windows, Linux and Macintosh computers. Well it's like past my bed time,.. so I'm going to see if I can finish up this video so I can go to bed.

Sunday, October 22, 2006

Today was another work day and finish some laundry and update web sites. Oh,.. and I did a little grocery shopping too. I don't remember learning much new today other than which themes I like for my Firefox browser and Thunderbird mail. Right now I'm using the Halloween theme for Firefox and Mostly Crystal for Thunderbird. I'm very happy with the way I have my computer set up right now. So much so that I don't like the idea of installing Windows Vista then having to re-configure everything again just like I like it. I've thought: I'm all set just like I am on my computer,.. but I've still been thinking of trying Windows Vista some time when it comes out though. About that tickle.com place,... just in case anybody would like to know,.. I scored a 122 on their Classic IQ test.

Saturday, October 21, 2006

Today was a work day, pay bills day and laundry day. I still have my laundry to finish. Today I learned a little bit more about email like hotmail, yahoo mail, AOL mail along with how to configure them for viewing in email software like Outlook express and Thunderbird. I also learned a little more about this place called Tickle.com. It's a web site with a bunch of IQ tests and other tests. They scored me pretty well on their Classic IQ test, and said some pretty true things about me after I completed the test too. So I was just over there checking them out a little more thoroughly. Because they seem like a pretty smart place.

Friday, October 20, 2006

Today is just another Friday for me. I just got back from dinner over at Pomodoro Cucina Italiana. Dinner was good again. Today I learned a little bit about a software called Mozilla Thunderbird. An emailing software similar to Outlook Express. Seems like I've spent about 4 hours with it today, and it's gotten late on me,... which is why I'm choosing not to do tonight's entry in video form. The program is having a problem sending AOL emails. The mail is getting where it's going but the software hangs up because it can't put the message into the sent mail folder. So I've been checking to see if I've got everything configured right, and it looks like I do. Maybe the software just needs to be updated in this area.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Today was just another busy day. I got another custom venetian plaster bathroom finished today. It turned out really nice. That venetian plaster can be like a work of Art sometimes. Today I learned a little bit about a Pop3 mail account. Thought I might get one some day,.. So I was just checking into it. Getting a POP3 mail account would allow me to have an email address something like this: RHarrington@mycouchwriting.com or RickHarrington@Rixco.com,... And it would be just something new to play with. I also learned last night that my web sites have one font that isn't viewing correctly in some web browsers. So I'm going to have to change that font.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

I think I've got it,........ Am burrrrrgrrrrrr,.... ,.... Amburrrrrgrrrrrr... But after viewing last nights video, I think it was the way I said "patty melt" that I could of worked on. Anyway,.... Today was OK I guess. I learned what the price of a new speedometer is going to be today. Near $300.00 dollars for the one I'm going to get. And I'm a little low on money for it now,... So it's going to have to wait.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Today was just another day for me... And I don't really remember learning any thing new today. There are plenty of new things I could sit here and learn about, But I think I'm just going to go to bed tonight. I did make myself a really good dumburger a da,......... um bugar da,........ am da burger da... Actually, mine was a patty melt,.. And I've learned how to make mine taste just like a McDonalds burger. Which is cool because their burgers use to be one of my favorites.

Monday, October 16, 2006

Well today was a long day at work for me. And I don't really remember learning anything new today. But I did learn something new the other day. I learned that my new transmission has a small oil leak. It's coming from the old steel speedometer cable that's attached to it. I'm going to see about getting a new cable for it tomorrow. I don't even have a speedometer in my van. It hasn't had one for 10 years or more. But I have planned to bye one. Just hasn't been a necessity is all. And I always end up spending my van money on other things it needs.

Sunday, October 15, 2006

Today has been a really busy day. I wasn't even able to get to the cabinet work that I was supposed to be doing today... Today I learned that my new rear brakes on my van are already grinding into my new hubs. Only on one side though. So today I had to install new rear brakes. One thing cool about it though,.. I had a lifetime warranty on those brakes, so I was able to exchange them for free.

Saturday, October 14, 2006

Today I'm filming with my Sony Cybershot camera instead of my web camera. Today was kind of like a downer day most the day. Like I was in a negative groove til about dark. I thought of some things that I learned earlier to say, but I don't remember what they are now. But I did learn this today: The luggage that I just purchased over at Target has broken wheel assemblies. And I'm going to see if I can return it tomorrow.

Friday, October 13, 2006

I just got back from dinner at my Friday night restaurant,.. (Pomodoro Cucina Italiana). I had Ravioli di zucca, (butternut squash ravioli), and Cavolini, (fried brussels sprouts). To me, this ravioli is the best tasting ravioli I've ever tasted. And their brussels sprouts are the best of those I've ever had too, but I haven't had many other versions of brussels sprouts,.. I don't recall ever tasting brussels sprouts until I was around 43 years old.

Today I learned that my rear brakes on my work van have a problem. When I got home from work today they were smoking, and burning hot. I think I may of adjusted the brakes to tight.

Also I learned that I like the interface, and how easy the program looks to use on this new Magma Burner Extreme software that I just got. I haven't burned any CD's or DVD's with it yet,.. but I like the looks of the program...

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Today has been a long day. I was thinking of going to bed early, because I didn't feel like getting out of bed this morning,.. but I got all involved with computer stuff. Today I learned that the water base paint that I'm using for the trim work on the jobs that I am on runs or sags very easily when brushed out horizontally. Gotta put it on in a thinner layer. Usually I'm always putting the paint on about as heavy as possible in order to cover what ever color I'm putting it over, but with this paint it looks like I've got to spread it on thin.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Well, let's see here,... don't seem like I really have much to say tonight,... what I'm sitting here thinking is, I have too many jobs all going at the same time right now.
Well,... I learned that my new transmission is still not leaking today, and that's a good thing. I may be able to get rid of that large oil pan that I carry behind my drivers seat.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

It's already Tuesday. Actually it's about my bed time, so it's almost Wednesday. Today I learned that my new transmission appears to be not leaking oil anymore. I just recently heard that transmission fluid is flammable, so it's a good idea not to have a leaking transmission. Especially in my van, where the transmission is sitting very close to a pair of exhaust headers that have had a tendency to get red hot at times.

Today I also found some mistakes made by a previous contractor on this job I'm on. Wiring not installed in junction box's. New canned lighting with the wiring installed outside of their junction boxes.

There was a hot wire shorting out, and the lights stopped working, so we had to trace where the problem was. The problem was one hot wire was just barely connecting to the lighting wiring, which was causing it to arc. Possibility of a house fire.

What they did was: they didn't twist their wiring together. They just shoved them into a wire nut and twisted the wire nut onto them, which I have done a few times myself. So today I also learned that I think it's best to twist wiring ends together before putting them into a wire nut.

Monday, October 9, 2006

Today I learned that my new transmission is already leaking oil. Looks like its coming from the base of the throttle kick down cable, so I pulled it off and tried putting a little silicone on it. I'll find out tomorrow if I've got it fixed or not. Need to let the silicone dry before running it. My van is running better though. A new transmission has fixed a bunch of problems it was having. One, it was on the verge of over heating everyday. Two, I can lower my idle speed on my carburetor without it acting like it's going to stall. Three, the carburetor lost it's hesitation that it was having. And four,.. my van gained power that it didn't even seem to have when I first installed the rebuilt motor.

Sunday, October 8, 2006

Today was a Pizza day. Me and the Cats and the dogs here all had pizza for dinner. Also today I finished installing my van's transmission. Don't really remember learning anything new today, but my van seems to be running good now, and for the first time in 10 years or more, it looks like it has no oil leaks.

Saturday, October 7, 2006

Today was install transmission in my van day. It's going in a little slower than it came out. Today I suppose that I learned that a transmission jack can make installing a transmission nice. Better than trying to balance it on top of a standard floor jack like I've always done before.

Friday, October 6, 2006

It's everybody else's Friday night tonight. I think like that a lot of the time because I don't have those going out to have fun type weekends anymore. But then I think, well I'm having a kind of Friday night too I suppose, because I've been choosing to go out to dinner most every Friday night. Well, I don't remember learning much of anything today. Today went by real fast.

Thursday, October 5, 2006

My new transmission that I ordered for my van came in today, so I get to go pick up my transmission tomorrow. Other than that I don't really remember learning much else today. Well today is about done for me, and I'm about ready for bed.

Wednesday, October 4, 2006

Well today is about done,.. and I really don't remember learning much of anything today. Just a few little things not really worth mentioning. It's just another day going by. I'm supposed to fly to Hawaii on November 12th for a job. I'm going to see if I can fit my swim fins into a carry on bag just in case we crash into the ocean.

Tuesday, October 3, 2006

It's Tuesday,.... it's trash day today,... (thinking out loud),... Wednesday morning is actually trash day here, but I usually take it out the night before. Today was odd in a way because the day seemed to go slow. Usually, time seems to go by fast everyday. Anyway,.. today I learned again that when I think about seriously studying for my contractors license,... I get a good feeling in my mind. I purchased all the stuff to do it a while back,... but when I got the stuff and realized I wasn't going to be able to learn it by watching their video's, because in their videos they are only telling you where to concentrate your studying,.. It turned me off so to speak. I thought I was going to be able to just watch their videos and learn,.. but it turned out to be book work instead. Also I learned a little bit about where all the different notes are on a guitar fret board today....

Monday, October 2, 2006

Today was an OK day. I woke up a little late and got to work a little later than I was planning, but it's OK,.. everything went fine anyway. Today I starting thinking around noon that I should remember anything I'm learning so that I can write it down here later,... but, now that it's about my bed time,... I still don't recall learning anything today. Though I'm about to learn a little more of a Joe Walsh song here in moment. The song is called: "Life's been good". Man,... I recently got this DVD of The Eagles Farewell Tour 1, Live from Melbourne,... and they really impressed me. I think these guys are great. I didn't know that all of them are singers. I had never seen them play before.

Sunday, October 1, 2006

Well, today was OK too. Most of what I did today was working on my web sites. Today I learned how to use Regex Buddy in my Edit Pad Pro. A find and replace tool. What it doe's is,... you can select a piece of any text to find, and replace it with any kind of text you like. It enables you to find mistakes in your writing in lots of pages and then fix them all at the same time. I was able to change to different fonts in my web sites with a couple clicks of the mouse,... and with those clicks I can choose to change every page I have open, or just one. It's pretty cool. Also I learned how to send out AOL emails directly from Edit Pad Pro which was a surprise learn. I didn't expect to figure it out so quickly.

SEPTEMBER

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Saturday, September 30, 2006

Well, today was OK I guess. And the things I remember learning today are all to do with a cabinet that I am working on. Figuring out the ways that I am having to put it together. Oh,... and I learned a little bit of a Joe Walsh song on guitar,... don't know the name of it at this time though. Overall I'd call it a neutral like day for me,... meaning that I don't remember it being good or bad. I did feel just a little loopy like though after having a couple green margaritas earlier today.